Supporting Young Children through Separation Anxiety

Separation Anxiety is defined as excessive worry, concern and dread of the actual or anticipated separation from parent/whānau. It is a normal and common stage in early childhood. Our team are familiar with, and experienced in, dealing with Separation Anxiety. Responding with aroha, patience, and calm support, we will work in partnership with parents and whānau to minimise distress to you and your child.

Because Safe and Love are two of Kindercare’s core values, ensuring a child feels safe and loved is essential to help them cope with Separation Anxiety, which can occur at any stage – on enrolment, or during a period of change while enrolled at Kindercare. The following information may be helpful in supporting and guiding parents and whānau.

• Tamariki and parents/whānau need time to adjust when coming into a new room, with unfamiliar Kaiako. Learning to trust and form attachments takes time as tamariki may feel unsure of their safety and wellbeing in a new environment.
• Whenever possible, spend some time in the new room with your child, to help them feel and experience Kindercare as a safe place.
• Get to know the new team yourself. By using their names and building a connection with them, you are helping your child to nurture trust in the relationship.
• During your visits, let the team know about your child's personal rituals, what you do to calm your child, their favourite books, toys they enjoy playing with, if they have a snuggle toy for sleep time, and your aspirations as a parent for your child. Our team will record this information in the Baby Journal or on Educa.
• Separation Anxiety can be heightened in tamariki who are experiencing stress in other areas of life such as a new sibling, relationship problems between parents, moving house, or hospitalisation. Chat to your Centre Director or someone else in our team (out of earshot of your child) about what’s happening in your child’s life, so we are able to support them appropriately and partner with you.
• Acknowledge that there may be some regression in your child's behaviour habits at this time of change e.g. wanting to be carried, dressed, fed etc. This is normal in a child experiencing Separation Anxiety.

Some strategies to help you and your child cope with Separation Anxiety

• Leave yourself as much time as possible in the mornings to avoid pressuring and rushing your child. For all tamariki, a calm, predictable routine is the best way to start their day.
• For babies and toddlers, before leaving your child at Kindercare, take opportunities at home to leave the room and tell your child that you’ll be back soon. When you return, use language such as: “See, I told you I’d be back soon”. This may help your child begin to learn that your absence is just temporary, and you will return. For babies being bottle fed, be mindful of taking some time to ensure someone else gives your baby a bottle so they are not just used to taking it from you, before arriving at Kindercare.
• For an older child, be intentional about chatting to your child over breakfast, or while getting dressed, or in the car on the way to Kindercare, about having a good day and looking forward to exciting things in the day.
• It may be helpful to start with a shorter day and gradually increase the hours if this is your child's first experience in a childcare environment.
• When you arrive at Kindercare try to keep to a calm, bright and relaxed. Be mindful of making promises in advance, to do a specific activity etc on arrival, as this may not always be possible and could cause stress for the child.  Always do what you promise so the child knows what to expect.
• Set a consistent goodbye routine. Sign in, exchange friendly greetings with the team, beginning with anyone you meet in Reception. Where possible, involve your child in putting their basket away. If time allows, stay for a while and settle your child in an activity of his/her interest. This should not last for more than 5 minutes. Give them a kiss/hug/goodbye and leave.
• Leaving your child when they’re upset can be extremely difficult for parents and whānau. However, by staying longer, it is just delaying the inevitable goodbye for your child, and it is even more difficult for them if you become tearful. The most helpful response for your child is when you are calm, positive, confident, and leave them with a smile.
• As far as possible, try to be consistent with your pick-up times, at least until your child is more settled.
• It is never a good option to sneak out of the room. Always give your child a loving affectionate goodbye.

Last Review: January 2025